A funny post from someone who was at the Bucks-Warriors game.

It's here.

From Bucks View -- one of the few, the proud, the Milwaukee Bucks Blogs.

Milwaukee Bucks 90, Golden State Warriors 87

(unexpectedly, TJ Ford turned and whipped the ball at Troy Murphy's head a split second later. It was awesome.)

This game was important for a couple of reasons:

1) It was a revenge game, since those scum from Golden State beat the Bucks in Milwaukee last week, spoiling their undefeated season.

2) The Bucks had lost their last 17 on the road against the West. That's right, they didn't win one road game against a Western Conference team last year. Yikes.

3) The Bucks played their worst game of the year the night before (against the Clippers, in a game I didn't recap because I couldn't bring myself to write the nonsensical sentence "The Clippers are just a better team than the Bucks at this point." I'm happy for Cassell, though), and badly needed to bounce back with a good showing.

I'm working on a theory about these Bucks: They're so newly thrown together that they need games on a regular basis to keep them from forgetting how to play together. That's why their defense has been so atrocious lately. Last night, on the second night of a back-to-back, they held Golden State under 40% shooting and outrebounded them by a silly 58-42 margin. Once again, rebounding has won them a game. This truly is a new and different Bucks team.

Coach Terry Stotts continues to work with an 8-man rotation, only bringing the White Foreigner Trinity of Bogut, Kukoc, and Jiri Welsch off the bench. Again, this doesn't make much sense to me. Is Gadzuric insurance or is he on the trading block? Is Welsch really better than Chaz Bell?

Also, Coach Terry finally snuck Joe Smith into the starting lineup, with admittedly pretty good results. I'd still rather see Bogut get 20 minutes a game (especially since he went for 9 pts and 11 boards in 16 minutes last night), since he is our future, but I totally understand Stotts' desire to see more Joe Smith out there. He's clearly the best frontcourt defender they have right now.

THE BAD: The Bucks are still having problems blocking shots and forcing turnovers, two things that would help their defensive effort considerably. Like I said, it's a good thing they can rebound so well, because sloppy defense that doesn't make hustle plays or force turnovers is a recipe for disaster. I still think they'll be ok defensively with Simmons, Smith, and Magloire along the front line. They're just not there yet.

Green Bay Packers 33, Atlanta Falcons 25

Group Hug. Aww. It's fun not to fail, isn't it?

Too little, too late. The Pack is not Back, even though Samkon Gado ran wild for them. He ran for 100 yards! That's insane!

With this win, they probably took themselves out of the Matt Leinart race. They're not going to make the playoffs, because the Bears are 6-3 and hot as heck. I'd like to take this opportunity to proclaim this season a failure after this win. Thanks for nothing, Samkon. Next time show up in week 5 when we need you.

Milwaukee Bucks 103, Indiana Pacers 102

Above: Bucks Guard Mo Williams takes a well-deserved break from winning games at the buzzer

You don't get victories much more amazing than the 103-102 Bucks win over the Pacers on Saturday night. This should give them confidence going into their 4-game western death trip that starts Tuesday. After all, when you've come back from a 14-point deficit in the final 3:39 of regulation, you start to believe that you can come back from any deficit. That's good, unless it encourages them to keep falling behind early in games. Sooner or later, this team is going to have to win a game without spotting their opponents 15 points. The last two games it's seemed like they were rusty after the 3-4 day layoff. They can't get any momentum going with the schedule the way it is, which is ok because youre not going to be able to sustain momentum through the whole year anyway. It's best they learn to play together and through adversity at the beginning of the year, and build up momentum at the end.

But it was a wholly amazing game. First, the Pacers went up by 20 in the second quarter, but you knew that wouldn't last. Again, it would be nice if the Bucks could defend their way through some cold stretches, but as long as they keep winning I guess we will forgive them for now. The Bucks came back to tie, only to fall back behind by 14 points in the 4th quarter. They then stormed back to within 6 with 2 minutes left, and slowly grabbed the Pacers and pulled them backwards just in time to win by a point on a last-second 30-footer. Amazing.

THE GOOD: If you look at the box score, you'll easily recognize what kept the Bucks in the game: rebounding. They got 22 offensive boards, and beat the Pacers overall 53-41. They keep boarding like that, they'll stay in any game they can shoot themselves back into.

Mo Williams, who looks like a candidate for 6th man of the year. He's hot, which is good, because Redd and Simmons are inconsistent at this point.

Redd had what we in Bucks land like to call a "Desmond Mason Night," which means he shot like crap but was 13-15 from the line for 28 points. When he gets hot, this team will be awesome.

THE PUZZLING: Jiri "Journeyman" Welsch has apparently leapfrogged not only Charlie Bell but also Kukoc and Dan Gadzuric in the Bucks rotation. What is it about Jiri that warranted this type of promotion, I wonder? It can't be racism, because Kukoc is white and Dan G. is Danish. Mmm...danish.

"Golden State" Warriors 110, Milwaukee Bucks 103

(I find this photo humourous for some reason.)

The dream is over. There will be no undefeated season for these Bucks. They fell last night at home to the fricking Golden State Warriors, who by all accounts shot out of their minds. These kinds of games will happen over an NBA schedule, especially when nobody's really trying at a 100% level because if they did they would be dead by game 50. Anyway, the Bucks are now 3-1 and still looking ok for the time being. Since this is a loss, let's start with:

THE BAD:
The Bucks only shot 11 free throws to GS's 26, which would go a long way toward explaining why they lost. I didn't see the game, so I don't know if it was a ref thing or a lack-of-aggressiveness thing. Only shooting 11 free throws is bad.

They allowed those scuzzbags to shoot 13-27 from three-point range, which is absurd.

They outscored the stupid Warriors in the paint 60-28, and still lost. To all those people out there on Dallas sports talk radio who don't think jump shots win ball games, this stat's for you.

They outscored those idiots 24-4 on the fast break, and I could go on and on but I'm going crazy.

THE GOOD:
There is nothing good about it. They failed, and they don't play until Saturday at home against the Pacers, a team they should own but probably won't. Like I said, the dream is over. Go back to your homes.

Pittsburgh Steelers 20, Green Bay Packers 10

(no, tackle the guy with the ball. And aren't you supposed to be on offense?)

I got to catch the brutal end of the latest Packer debacle, a 20-10 loss to the Charlie Batch-led Steelers in Lambeau. I remember the good old days, when the Steelers were a bunch of guys named "Yancy" who dropped game-winning passes. Yesterday, it was the Packers who should have been named "Yancy." Brett Favre kept throwing the ball near his receivers, and any balls that weren't thrown into the dirt were either dropped or batted into the air in lieu of being caught. You know what it was like? Remember that Simpsons episode where Homer's brother buys him the Denver Broncos? Homer's mad because it's the Broncos and not the Cowboys (this was in the early-90's, before the Elway-Davis Super Bowl victories), and you see the Broncos practicing on the Simpsons' front lawn. They were dropping the ball, falling down, throwing the ball off of each other's helmets, etc. That's what the Packers looked like yesterday. I don't want to talk about it.

Until yesterday, Charlie Batch didn't have a victory at Lambeau. Another first for the 2005-2006 Packers. Bleah.

Milwaukee Bucks 105, Shaq-Less Heat, 100

The Milwaukee Bucks continued their dominance of the Eastern Conference last night with a 105-100 victory over the Miami Heat. What made this less impressive than it could have been was the absense of Mr. Shaq O' Neal, who stepped on Ron Artest's foot the other night and got a sprained ankle that's going to keep him out for 4 weeks. They still had Alonzo Mourning, so at least the Bucks got to face a real NBA center for the first time this year. Of course, having 'Zo doesn't necessarily help the Heat at the end of the game when they're going up against someone as awesome as Dunkin' Bobby Simmons -- see the picture at the top of this post for proof of my point.

THE GOOD:
Again, this team can shoot, mainly because Ford (and Williams and even Kukoc) are doing a great job of finding people in a place where they can score. After Redd went wild on Wednesday, they decided to spread things around a bit last night. This makes it incredibly hard to cover them. Good job, Bucks.

The finally won a turnover battle -- in this case, 12 to 17. Unfortunately, they also allowed the Heat to shoot 48%. It was a freakishly well-played early-season NBA game, actually. With the Heat shooting so well and playing within their means for the most part, it's impressive that the Bucks were able to pull out the win.

Redd reportedly did a good job of defending the uberplayer, Dwyane Wade. I hope all those pundits who said that Redd didn't deserve a max contract because his defense is atrocius trip and fall into a big cake. Made of worms. Plus, he shot 8-14 from the field -- now that's efficiency.

The bench, especially Mo Williams, played well. They're giving the Bucks a variety of big and small looks they can use, and that bodes well for the future.

THE BAD:
The aforementioned shooting percentage defense, which is again tempered by the fact that Wade went 6-17 and Machine Gun Antoine Walker only took 14 shots.

Instead of outrebounding the Heat, they merely tied them in rebounds. Seriously, what can I pick on? This team is 3-0 in a very tough first month of the season. If they go 5-5 over the next 10 games, I'll be very happy.

"As Far as the East is From the West"

Above: Mental patient Devean George goes up for a dunk and misses the rim by two feet. Later, Phil Jackson pats him on the head and says, "good job."

The Western Conference is the New Eastern Conference. I thought of this as I watched the two NBA games last night. The Lakers are done. Lamar Odom has regressed to the point that their second-best player to Kobe is Smush fricking Parker. I thought the East was supposed to have the one- and two-man teams! You know, Iverson in Philly, Vince in Toronto, T-Mac in Orlando, Pierce in Boston, etc. Well, guess what? Iverson now has C-Webb to play with, Vince is in Jersey, T-Mac is in Houston, and...Pierce is still the one man in Boston, but don't worry about that. Instead, look at the Lakers and Suns. The Lakers have Kobe and a bunch of literal spare parts, some of which don't even belong on an NBA roster. And if I have to listen to some commentator compliment the Ultimate Spare Devean George on his hustle one more time I'm going to chop off my ears. The man does nothing well (except look like Tracy Morgan), and yet he makes millions of dollars and people think of him as a champion. And what kind of name is "Devean" anyway?
Aaaargh.

And the "Suns Sans Amare"(SSA) will score a lot (especially when they're playing a team like the Lakers, who have no inside presence and only one good defensive player), but they're no longer quick or strong enough to stop anyone from scoring. These teams are weak, people. Welcome to today's NBA -- high-octane offense, low-effort defense. This is again why college basketball is better. If I weren't so starved for the sport after 5 months of boring baseball, I probably wouldn't even watch. Here are a few more itemized observations about the two games last night:

The Pacers are Bunch of Suspensions Waiting to Happen: The entire teams seems to have a giant, gangsta-themed chip on its shoulder. Last night wild-eyed Stephen Jackson almost got into a fight with Dwayne Wade for seemingly no reason except to pump himself up. Wade didn't do anything to him but fall over when Jackson pushed him twice. New additions Danny Granger and Sarunas J(ridiculous last name) play like crazed cavemen out there, and will probably both get clotheslined or worse before the season is over. Almost everyone on the Pacers is either annoying (Granger, J., Croshere, Jeff Foster) or outright gangsta/crazy (Artest, Jackson, Tinsley, the rest). About the only person not likely to get into a brawl is Jermaine O' Neal, and he was suspended for punching a fan in last year's brawl! I'm telling you, Artest could go off the deep end at any moment. Teams are just going to keep instigating him and poking him with a stick every night until he snaps. And that won't be pretty. Indiana just might be doomed. Plus, as the Sports Guy pointed out, they don't have that one guy who can make the clutch shot at the ends of games.

Aside: Read the Sports Guy's NBA Preview on ESPN.com right now. I can't link to it because I'm at work (long story), but he's great. And I'm not just saying that because we agree on just about everything relating to the NBA this year, or because he thinks the Bucks are going to be good. Ok, that's it a little bit. But go read it anyway.

The Heat need to trade Anoine Walker ASAP, or cut him, whichever is quicker. The sad thing is, he's just never going to get it. He's just an infuriating basketball player who constantly does things he can't do, like shoot threes and dribble through traffic. Every time the ball is in his hands, I cringe -- and I'm not even a Heat fan! Now, Jason Williams and Gary Payton look to be fitting in nicely. Shaq looks one year older, but he's still Shaq. Wade is so fricking good it amazes me that he could have ever come from Marquette. But 'Toine-Walk is a nightmare. He stepped on the out-of-bounds line last night on the Heat's penultimate posession. How much more evidence do they need that his head isn't right with basketball? They need to get rid of him, but should wait until after they play Milwaukee on Saturday.

The Lakers are rebuilding, and doing it badly. Kobe Bryant, the Triangle offense, and Phil Jackson have somehow turned Lamar Odom from an all-star and olympian to a mediocre point-forward. He's like a turd out there -- and that's despite his 23-point 16-board performance against a small, weak Suns team. He's just not gelling with Kobe. For the rest of their non-Kobe roster, they have lovingly assembled an expansion team of cast-offs and future cast-offs. They had better sign a big free-agent soon, or Denzel and Danny Bonaduce will start watching the Clippers.

San Antonio might not lose a conference game all year. Maybe Houston can beat them, or one night in Dallas if Dirk gets hot they might go down. But Denver's a total mess right now, and nobody else in the West has the raw talent to compete with them. My prediction? Cassell will get hot and they'll lose a game to the Clippers. Ok, I've mentioned them twice now, so I'm clearly out of things to say. Good-bye.

Milwaukee Bucks 110, Three Netsketeers 96 (2-0)

(above: Nenard Krstc and the Nets almost held Redd under 40!)

I hate ESPN Sportscenter. During basketball season, I watch for Bucks highlights. I don't care about the other highlights, especially hockey. Tuesday night, they showed the Bucks/Sixers highlights in the first 5 minutes of the hour. Last night, they decided that all the other sports games in the world, including hockey games, were more important than the Bucks/Nets game, so they showed it in the last 5 minutes of the hour. If ESPN keeps this kind of behavior up, they will be the worldwide leader in pissing me off.

The Bucks, despite the evil intentions of ESPN, continued their outstanding first week of the season with a 110-96 powerslam of the New Joisey Nets -- in Joisey, no less. The Bucks now only have to win 5 more road games all year to match last year's total. I'm sorry -- I suppose the less we say about last year, the better. The game was marred by that totally overrated Richie Jefferson taking a swing at TJ Ford's (possibly cybernetic) spine, probably because he wishes he could play with a real point guard. Just kidding. Sorta. Anyway, I'm getting off track here. If I were a train, I'd be spilling my grain all over the landscape by now. Let's do this before all my grain is gone:

THE GOOD:
Michael Redd -- 41 points. He's taking better shots this year because opponents actually have to cover people besides him. With TJ around, Redd might end up scoring 28 a game, which is a marked improvement over the last guy to whom they gave max money. Again, the less said about him the better.

TJ Ford and Mo Williams, point guards/tag team partners -- Mo had virtually the same stats as Ford in this game, which bodes well for the Bucks in the future. They also played Williams and Ford together for a while, which I'll call their "Don't ever try to keep up with us" backcourt. Plus, Mo stuck up for TJ when Richie Jefferson went after his spine. Solidarity, bruthuh.

Andrew Bogut had 17 boards in 33 minutes, and the Bucks outrebounded those forlorn Nets 50-46 (and Joe Smith hasn't even played yet!). For Ford- and Redd-related reasons, this will never be known as the "Andrew Bogut Era," but I can't think of the last time a Buck got 17 boards in 33 minutes of play. Now, because he's a rookie, I don't think you want to play him 33 minutes every game. But it was nice to see the #1 pick put up a #1 stat.

(side note: Are the Aussies all going to be Bucks fans now that their best basketball player is in Milwaukee? I found a blog from Australia yesterday that mentioned that the Bucks were on Fox Sports Australia or somesuch. Let me be the first to welcome the entire continent of Australia to Bucks fandom, and let you know that I'll be happy to answer any questions except the ones regarding the Ray Allen trade. All I would ask is: as you're stuffing the NBA All-Star Ballot box with Bogut's name, you show some love to my men Michael Redd and TJ Ford as well.
Thanks. And by "my men," that doesn't mean I'm gay. Not sure how that works in Australia. Anyway, welcome aboard. I, too, cannot get to games in person, because I live in Dallas. It's in Texas -- you know, JR Ewing and all that? Of course you have Dallas in Australia, everyone does.)

THE BAD:
Take out Redd and Williams, and the team shot 16 for 58 from the field. Oh, well, we won by 16, so what does it matter?

Bobby Simmons exploded for as many turnovers as points (4) and more fouls than rebounds (6-5). If we would have lost, it would have been all his fault.

Again, they only forced 12 turnovers. I guess that's better than the 8 they got from Philly.

THE VERDICT:
They went into a likely conference rival and beat them. What else can you say? It's awesome. This is a totally different team from last year, from star to point guard to big guys to coach. It's nice to see Terry Stotts playing with a stacked deck this time, so he can get that lifetime winning percentage up to .500. Beats coaching the Hawks, now, doesn't it?

Saturday the home opener arrives vs. the Heat. With Magloire, Bogut, and Gadzooki, the Bucks are probably better prepared for Shaq now than at any other time in his giant career. Hopefully Antione Walker will throw a few shots off the top of the backboard and the Bucks will go 3-0. Wouldn't that be something?

Bucks 117, Iverson/Webber 108 (1-0)

A basketball-starved nation finally got some real food last night as the Bucks won their season-opener in Philadelphia, 117-108 in overtime over the Iverson/Webbers. I'm going to attempt to review these games even though I didn't get a chance to watch them. I am, after all, the Wisconsin Sports Fan Living in Dallas. Also, I currently work 5 nights a week for a cruel master known a Papa John. I can, however, search out and find highlights for every game.
I know that reviewing a game based on NBA.com and sportscenter highlights is a little like reviewing a movie after watching the trailer, but that won't stop me. This is the internet, and I am a lone blogger typing away in a remote cabin on a manual typewriter and somehow cutting and pasting the letters onto your screen. Anyway...

THE GOOD:
Where do I start? There was so much good in this game from so many players, the game would have been highly encouraging even had they lost. But they won, so let's kneejerk a little, shall we?

TJ Ford is back and better than he was before. They say he can shoot now, which is less important than the fact that he's making Steve Nash-esque decisions with the ball. He almost had a triple-double last night! I remember him being a decent rebounder because he's so darn fast, but a triple double for a 5'11" guy is really impressive. He is the #1 reason for Bucks optimism this year, not Bogut/Magloire, Redd/Simmons, or the great bench. He stars out with 16 points, 14 assists, 9 boards, only 5 turnovers, and he kept Iverson under 40 (no small feat considering what he did to the Bucks last year).


It was a great stat night for a number of Bucks: New Buck Bobby Simmons got 22 and 12, including 6 offensive rebounds. Bogut went for 13 and 9 including 2 big baskets in crunch time, and Magloire matched his 9 boards. Altogether, they outrebounded Philly 52 to 39, which is awesome but probably also in part due to the absence of Dalembert, the Iverson/Webber's Center. The parts of the bench not named Mo Williams went 12 of 16 from the field. Oh, and Michael Redd? 30 points, including the game-tying three at the end of reguation.

Speaking of which: It was a fantastic play to watch unfold, as Philly decided not to foul and put somebody on the line (a point Barkley made on the TNT broadcast last night). TJ Ford dribbled all the way under the basket with 10 seconds left, passed on the wing, got the ball back, drove the lane, and drew all five 76ers to himself. The entire time, Redd had his hand up calling for the ball. He knows he's the man who has to take the shot, now that he makes all the money. Bogut sort of clumsily gets in the way of the closest defender to Redd, and in a split second Ford launches the ball into Redd's hands. A split second later, he shoots a fadeaway three over the defender's outstretched arm. It goes in, and the Bucks season is on.

They won a road game after going 7-34 on the road last year. In the NBA, any road win is a good win.

THE BAD:

Magloire hasn't become a part of the offense yet (but that should change gradually as TJ figures out the best place to find him with the ball. It's great to have a point guard, eh?).

Chris Webber looked like an All-Star again, which means the 76ers could actually be tough this year (but not tough enough, eh?).

The defense needs work, but like I said, at least Iverson didn't run totally wild. Maybe he was just upset over having to wear a suit to the stadium.

The sole reason the bucks didn't win by 15 points in regulation is turnovers. 17 isn't so bad for them with the wild way they want to play, but only forcing 8 from the Iverson/Webbers is inexcusable. Also, they only blocked 3 shots. And when I say "they," I mean Bogut. Are they not putting defensive pressure on? Obviously, these are things I can't figure out just from highlights.

THE VERDICT:

Iverson/Webber may have the nationally known stars playing out of their minds (in the case of Webber), but the Bucks have the TEAM.

2005-2006 NBA Preview

Epth Nation 2005-2006 NBA Preview

By Michael D. Pape

If you read as many NBA previews as I do (what does that say about me?), you start to notice things that tip you off to the fact that the previewer you’re reading may not exactly know what they’re talking about. The most obvious case of stupidity I’ve seen so far this year is Charley Rosen of Foxsports.com forgetting to realize that #1 draft pick Andrew Bogut was even in the league. He previewed the Bucks without even mentioning him. This is the kind of thing that happens when you do your NBA preview 2 months before the start of the season. There are 100 new developments a day in between then and the start of the regular season! What do you hope to accomplish by this? Failure!

The bottom line is that most people, when they look at the upcoming NBA season, will take last year’s standings, add or subtract a little from each team because of player movement and the draft and so on, and then present them as if they had been pouring over each team’s rosters for days. I’m on to you, national sports prognosticators.

As you will soon see, I actually have thought a lot about this upcoming NBA season. Probably too much, in fact. These thoughts trouble me, but I must put them on paper. With much trepidation and excitement I therefore advance my:

EASTERN CONFERENCE PREVIEW

Twenty-eight months ago, the Eastern Conference was considered the punk-butt junior league of the NBA. Everybody knew the top 4 or so teams in the West were better than everybody in the East, and whenever Eastern teams would claim to be good the national media would just roll their eyes and talk some more about how Shaq just poked Kobe in the head with a stick. Then, three things happened: 1) The 2003 draft, which gave LeBron, Wade, Hinrich, TJ Ford, etc. to their respective Eastern teams; 2) The ascendancy and championship season of the Detroit Pistons; 3) The Shaq trade, which gave Detroit another great team to play with over on the Eastern side of things. Today the two conferences are like mirror images of each other. The West might have one or two more “ok” teams as opposed to bad, but by and large they’re the same animal. How quickly things change in the salary-cap world of pro basketball.

The East features 3 great teams, 3 good teams, 5 “ok” teams, and 4 bad teams. These are their stories (dun dun).

THE BAD TEAMS

15) Atlanta Hawks

The best thing you can say about the Hawks is that they’ll be better than last year, and that they appear to have a plan in place to be pretty good in three years. Hey, I like a bunch of the players they brought in: Joe Johnson, Zaza Pachulia, even Salim “The Dream” Stouadamire. But the best players on the team (Johnson, Harrington) can only be considered good role players, not top-of-the-line talent. If they can play together and maximize things they could end up as high as 12^th, but I highly doubt that will happen. No. 2 pick Marvin Williams is at least a year from becoming a star, but when he’s ready, the Hawks will have the pieces in place to help him out. Just you wait.

14) Toronto Raptors

The Raptors are a collection of interesting little players for which the whole somehow adds up to less than the sum of its parts. I don’t know if they’re cursed because they’re in Canada or what, but everything that could be good for this team turns bad before very long. The highest-profile case of this was Vince “I rather be in Jersey than Canada” Carter, but there have been others. So you just know something’s going to happen with Chris Bosh to make him less effective – an injury, insanity, a suspension, a case of ball-hogitis. Whatever it is, it won’t be pretty. Besides the wonderful Mr. Bosh, this team is an older, more spare version of Atlanta. I mean, preseason returns indicate that Charlie Villanueva is a serious playa (although after seeing him in college I wonder how that’s possible), but after him there’s just Jalen Rose and Mike James and a bunch of crap. There is no hope in Toronto, and the weight of that hopelessness will drive this team toward a higher draft pick, whether or not Chris Bosh goes insane.

13) Boston Celtics

Give this team a point guard and a center, and they immediately jump up to the “ok” level and are battling for that last Eastern playoff spot. Give this team a point guard tandem of Delonte West and Dan Dickau, and a center tandem of Raef Lafrentz and a bunch of little kids, and you get 13^th. I mean, they’ve gotta trade Paul Pierce off this sinking ship, don’t they? In full-on rebuilding mode, they’re going to need superior performances every night from Pierce and Ricky Davis and serious consistency from Al Jefferson in order to compete. There’s just too much room for error here. They’ve also got a buttload of young, inexperienced, and inconsistent bench players who may or may not become real NBA players this year. Hey, if it all goes well this team could make the playoffs. It won’t, and they won’t.

12) Charlotte Bobcats

I really like what they’re doing in Charlotte, a city that deserves a good team as soon as possible to shove it in Hornets owner George Shinn’s double-dealin’ face. Anyway, Rookie of the Year Emeka Okafor will get better and cement the inside for this young team, and Ray Felton and Sean May will both get serious consideration for Rookie of This Year. In one sense, I’m just picking them here to mock Atlanta, Boston, and Toronto, because their rosters are still better than this collection of nobodies. But this team was decidedly not that bad last year, and with the addition of the speedy Felton and the moosey May, both of whom should be ready to contribute right away, they’ll be even better. Now, don’t get excited, because they have no chance to win more than 30 games. But it will be fun to watch them try.

THE “OK” TEAMS

11) Orlando Magic

This team will be ok because Dwight Howard, last year’s #1 pick, is a mensch. He’s going to have a breakout year – maybe not an Amare Stoudamire-type breakout year, but close. Unfortunately for the Magic, he’s the only thing on this team that isn’t a question mark. This team should trade in their uniforms for Riddler costumes. For example, Hedo Turboglue has been in the league for like 5 years and I still have no idea if he’s any good. Out of how many games will Steve Francis shoot them? Can Grant Hill still play? Can they’re group of veteran role guys do anything to keep Francis from shooting them out of games? See? Nobody knows. I have the feeling they’ll be ok, but I don’t have any more confidence than that. Three years ago, the presence of Dwight Howard on an Eastern team would have been enough to get them a playoff spot. Orlando, meet the new East. Different from the old East.

10) Philadelphia 76ers

Yes, this is the year the 76ers finally fall out of the playoff picture, although they’re probably as good a pick as any for the final playoff spot. The problem with the 76ers is they’ve done a horrible job filling out the roster. It’s like they don’t know what talent is. Iverson is great, I mean super great, but he can’t do it alone. I know, they’ve got Webber too, but he’s 3 years and 2 injuries removed from being meaningfully great. He’s still pretty good, and if Jamal Mash-you were able to play, this could still be a very good team. But he’s retiring, so that leaves them with a pretty good center combo of Samuel Dalembert and Steven Hunter (even though it’s pretty clear from the playoffs last year that he’s overrated), and Andre Iguodala. Then what? I mean, those guys aren’t even that good. Their replacements are worse. Poor Allen Iverson. Not only does he now have to dress like a white person, he won’t even have a good team to keep him warm at night. I’d hate to be his do-rag – he’s going to be throwing that thing on the floor 10 times a game.

9) New York Knicks

The Knicks have looked horrible in the pre-season, mainly because they’re an ill-conceived collection of knuckleheads. Knickleheads, we’ll call them. What’s going to happen this year is that Stephon Marbury’s inability to be on a good team will clash with Larry Brown’s inability to coach a bad one, and they’ll end up terribly average. As always, the roster is filled with guys who were good somewhere else – Penny Hardaway, Antonio Davis, Malik Rose, Maurice Taylor, Jamal Crawford. All these guys now suck, but you get the feeling that under the tutelage of Mr. Brown they could be restored to a little of their former glory. Quentin Robinson is now there as well, and one must wonder if he’s going to start to suck too. All this means is we have no freakin’ clue how good the Knicks are going to be. Oh, and btw, Eddy Curry’s a pretty nice player who’s been living off the fact that Shaq called him the “second best center in basketball” a couple of years ago. If that’s true, the gap between #1 (Shaq himself) and #2 is so big as to render #2 indistinguishable from #3-20. In other words, Curry ain’t that great. He’s an average defender, a bad rebounder, and is about 2 Dennyburgers away from eating himself out of those vaunted post moves that scored him 16.7 points a game last year. Oh, and he may die at any time. On top of that, they gave up promising young forward Mike Sweetney to get him. The one saving grace for the Knicks is they got a steal in rookie Nate Robinson, who looks like a serious point guard. Of course, you can’t play him and Marbury together, but never mind that. Also, he’ll never get off the bench if Brown’s coaching, but never mind that either.

8) Washington Wizards

The weirdest non-bad team ever last season, Washington somehow parlayed two talented ball-handling shooting guards (Gilbert Arenas and Larry Hughes) and a freaky slasher with no post moves who somehow scored 20 a game (Antawn Jameson) into a playoff berth. Hughes went to Cleveland, so the whole question about this team becomes, “Did they do enough to replace him?” I think the answer to that question is, “almost.” Antonio Daniels is at least a poor man’s Hughes, and they also added Caron Butler and Sucky Atkins to the mix. Adding to their troubles is the fact that Cleveland, Milwaukee, and Indiana have gotten a lot better, and everyone above them has stayed good. Treading water isn’t good enough in today’s East. They will still be weird, though, and will probably outlast the Knicks for the last playoff spot.

7) New Jersey Nets

I’ve seen these guys predicted to be as high as No. 3, which is insane (unless they meant they would win the Atlantic and get the three seed, which is correct. I hate the three-division system). Somebody needs to remind these people that Kenyon Martin is no longer with the team. This is a classic doughnut team if I’ve ever seen one. They have a “Run-JVR” situation going on with Jason Kidd, Vince Carter, and Richie Jefferson. After that, it’s a CBA team with marginally better uniforms. If they can get some productivity out of that front line, they could go as high as no. 5 – but that will never happen. Add that to the fact that the three stars each come with questions of their own – Is Jason Kidd getting old? Is Vince Carter guaranteed to try this year? Is Richard Jefferson really even that good? They will run bad teams off the court and look good doing it, but get them against a good or great team and they won’t have enough inside power to compete. They may get the 3-seed in the East because they play in that crappy Atlantic, but they won’t ever be the 3^rd best team.

THE GOOD TEAMS

6) Chicago Bulls

In 2001, the Bulls pursued then-free-agent Tim Thomas, offering him a max contract. The Bucks then sadly beat their offer, and the Bulls were never the same. That was the greatest moment in the history of the post-Jordan franchise – T.T. signing with another team. He turned out to be the worst max-out player ever. Now he’s back, and he’s going to demand playing time from Luol Deng and other members of the collegiate all-start team they’ve put together. What does this mean? Well, their midget backcourt (Kirk Hinrich and Ben Gordon) was finishing games out with absolute impunity last year, which means they were winning. Eddy Curry is gone but has been replaced by a slightly worse guy with a much better contract. Of course, they now have no real backup to center Tyson Chandler, which could be a problem. However, if Gordon and Hinrich continue being awesome, the Bulls will continue their resurgence. If they wake up one day and realize they’re midgets, the Bulls will crash like an old computer running Windows 3.1. I don’t think that will happen, though. The key to this team is Mr. Deng, who should come “into his own” as they say this year. If he can keep T.T. on the bench, everything will be ok. Just remember, every time a guy blows past T.T. like he’s stuck to the court, an angel gets signed to a max contract and immediately tears his ACL.

5) Milwaukee Bucks

Surprised? I’m the same guy who picked them to be in approximately the same spot last year, so don’t be. I’ve got much better reasoning this year. The consensus seems to put them at about #11, which is a couple of spots up from last year. How boring is that? Let’s see, what were the Bucks’ three needs going into this year…get a real small forward, one that can shoot outside (Bobby Simmons, free agent)…get a NBA-quality point guard and get Mo Williams back on the bench where he belongs (TJ Ford came back from injury)…get a center with some post moves (#1 pick Andrew Bogut and now Jamaaaaaal Magloire, they filled this need twice). They will be much improved, as evidenced by the fact that GM Larry Harris scrapped the “basketball on the cheap” plan when they got the #1 pick, and went for broke. The team is pretty much locked in for the next 5 years, and they are confident that they can be successful. From early reports, Bogut looks ok (but now probably won’t even have to start this year), Simmons looks good, and TJ Ford looks sensational. He seems to have developed a jump shot! He’s headed for 15 points and 9 assists/game, Michael Redd is headed back to the All-Startgame, and the Bucks are headed for the no. 5 spot in the East. And I haven’t even mentioned Gadzuric or Kukoc or Charlie Bell yet. Wowza.

4) Cleveland Cavaliers

The media on the coasts is convinced LeBron James is going to bolt out of Cleveland ASAP and jump to New York or LA, which would be a shame. I personally doubt that’s going to happen, but either way that won’t affect the team this year. This year, they have given King James something to work with. Ilgauskus (as always, if healthy) is a great post player. Larry Hughes is a great complementary scorer and wingman for LeBron. Damon Jones is solid and just runs offenses. Donyell Marshall can fill it up. Drew Gooden’s still around. The only potential problem I see here is defense, which shouldn’t hurt so much in the regular season when they can overwhelm teams in the half-court. Oh, and LeBron? Proving quite deserving of all the hype, thank you very much. Man, he’s fun to watch – and he makes the other players on the team better. This is his third season, so we should be seeing an accurate picture of what he’s going to be for the rest of his career, wherever he spends it. The good news for the NBA is these guys are too good to fall apart in the second half again. We’ll get to see LeBron’s first taste of the playoffs, and that sound you hear is David Stern’s gleeful girlish giggling.

THE GREAT TEAMS

3) Miami Heat

First of all, let me say that the Heat were the best team in basketball last year, and would have beaten both Detroit and San Antonio in the playoffs if not for injuries. This year, their off-season moves would have me concerned if I were a Heat fan. Did I say concerned? I meant scared to death every time Jason Williams, Antione Walker, or Gary Payton has the ball in his hands. Seriously, has Pat Riley forgotten how to put together a basketball team? Whatever happened to the “all-for-one, one-for-all” attitude his Miami Heat teams always displayed when he was coach? Was signing all those shoot-first ball-hogs just a secret plot to get his coach fired? If so, why didn’t he just fire him? They got rid of the Jones brothers (Damon and Eddie), who were perfect pieces in the Miami scheme. They were good shooters who complemented the immense Shaq and the powerful but volatile Wade. Now, you’ve got three guys who demand to have the ball in their hands and who can’t shoot. You want the ball in the hands of Wade and Shaq! How is this going to work? Yes, Williams and Walker are talented (Payton no longer is), but they aren’t role players. The big question is when will Stan Van Gundy realize this and start playing Udonis Haslem, James Posey, and (TBD unsigned free-agent spare small forward) 40 minutes a game with Wade and Shaq? And will that make Pat Riley, Williams, Walker, and Payton freak out? The good news for Heat fans is that I don’t think Shaq and Wade and especially Alonzo Mourning (remember him?) will stand for massive amounts of hooliganism and horseplay from the new additions. If they start out 10-9 or something, Shaq will put his foot down, and you will see either unhappy players on the bench or mass trades happen. In any case, this is going to be a wild season for the Heat.

2) Indiana Pacers

These Pacers are good, and athletic, and deep, and should be challenging the Pistons for the top spot in the conference all season long. Last year, they got the 6^th spot in the East despite the craziness of and injuries to their three top players – Ron Artest, Jermaine O’ Neal, and Stephen Jackson. In the playoffs, this team got to the second round led by Jackson and other players like Jeff Foster, Anthony Johnson, Jamaal Tinsley, and the broken human body of O’ Neal. This year, they’ve traded that broken body for a healthy body, plus added young phenom Danny Granger and best Euro available Šarūnas Jasikevičius, who all the pundits say is awesome. But the most important guy on the team remains Ron Artest. You get the feeling he could just up and quit at any moment. He is totally in his own world. When he’s focused on the court and not getting suspended or distracted, he’s an overall top 15 player in the league. With him in the game, they can defend with Detroit. All those guys who played last year are just providing quality depth now. Oh, and their coach, Rick Carlysle, is super-solid. The combination of all these factors should get them past dysfunctional Miami and possibly past the Pistons as well.

1) Detroit Pistons

Everybody, and I do mean everybody, is picking the Pistons to fail this year, despite the fact that they won the East the last two seasons. Well guess what – last year, they weren’t even motivated. They must have been tired of the Larry Brown rumors or something, because they only really played “Pistons Basketball” 3 out of every 5 games in the 2005 playoffs. The rest of the time, they were not themselves for some reason. This year, the sleeping giant will awaken again, this time with improved focus. They don’t like the fact that everyone is writing them off, and they want their respect back. The core of the team that won two years ago is still intact, so there’s no reason to suggest a focused Pistons team won’t be as good as it was two years ago. They were scary two years ago, man. They play the best defense in the league – even better than San Antonio, because they’re more physical and beefy. They have great role-players on offense. Chauncy Billups has discovered how to play, and I don’t think he’s going to revert back into Stupid Chauncy just because Flip Saunders is now his coach. Oh, and most importantly, Rasheed is embarrassed about last year and has his game face on. This team may not lose more than 10 games all year. The rest of the league, and the media, won’t know what hit them.

PLAYOFFS (keep in mind the division champs would get slots 1-3)

1 Pistons over 8 Wizards

4 Pacers over 5 Cavaliers

6 Bucks over 3 Nets

2 Heat over 7 Bulls

Pistons over Pacers

Heat over Bucks

Pistons over Heat

And that’s all I have to say about that...

WESTERN CONFERENCE PREVIEW

This is an interesting place, this Western Conference. All the Free-Agent moves from last year and the injuries/comebacks of this year has made it almost impossible to predict what will happen, as some teams will mesh and others will fall apart over the course of the season. That won’t stop me or any of the other sports idiots out there from making predictions, though. Failing’s half the fun.

The biggest questions by far in the NBA relate to Unstoppable Offensive Force Amare Stoudamire and the Phoenix Suns – Will he come back from his injury this year? If so, when? Can the rest of the team win enough games early to get them a playoff spot? If they do make the playoffs, can they contend like they did last year? Nobody knows, but my suspicion is that the answers are: probably, at the end of the year, yes, and it depends on what you mean by contend. But I’m just a guy eating carrots and getting his sports information from the internet, so don’t go by what I say.

In the West there are: 1 great team, 3 near-great teams, 2 good teams, 7 ok teams, and 2 bad teams. These are their stories (dun-dun).

THE BAD TEAMS

15)New Orleans/Oklahoma City/Parts Unknown “Hornets”
Do they have Hornets in Oklahoma City? Nobody knows. Anyway, after their trade of Jamaal Magloire for the Bucks’ Desmond Mason, they have no frontcourt players to speak of. If they started their 5 best players, they would have a starting lineup with Chris Paul, Speedy Claxton, JR Smith, Desmond Mason, and PJ Brown, with Chris Andersen dunking off the bench. That team would get outrebounded by 20 a game and lose 140-120 most nights. They’ve got a good nucleus of small players, and if they can add some bigs later they might have a future. That doesn’t help the people of Oklahoma City, however, who will see their only experience ever with NBA basketball end in a 20-win season and mocking derision from the rest of the league. But hey, they’ll probably score a lot of points. They would have won 10 more had they kept the moosey Magloire.

14) Portland Trail Blazers
Here’s the problem with Portland: They’re best player, PF Zack Randolph, hates everyone and everything, and would seemingly be content to be an average player who makes a lot of money and doesn’t show up for player meetings. He is your classic head case. On top of that, he’s a ball hog who doesn’t play well with others. I picked them to finish high last year based upon his raw talent, but he just spent the year getting high instead. If they weren’t paying Zach all that money, they’d do better to start Pryzbilla and Theo Ratliff. But since they’re committed to rebuilding around the big lug, they need one of their 20 guards and wing players (Jack, Blake, Dixon, Miles, Telfair, that little Webster guy, etc.) to make the leap to greatness this year. None of them will, and Randolph will cause the team to implode despite the best efforts of Nate McMillan, who is already wondering what was so bad about Seattle anyway.

THE OK TEAMS

13) Los Angeles Clippers
I’ll admit it: I totally forgot Sam Cassell was on this team. Their starting five of Cassell, Cut Mobley, Corey “overrated” Maggetteee, Elton Brand, and Chris Kaman can compete night-in night-out with most teams. Teams like this make it impossible to pick the West. Cassell, as always, is the most important guy. If he goes after a 17-point 9-assist season, the Clips could surprise everyone and make the playoffs. If he goes after a 20-point 6-assist, season, they might lose 50 games. I’m picking closer to the latter, because there’s just a cloud of…something over this team that prevents them from ever pulling off a sustained rebuilding project. Ok, it’s not “something,” it’s owner Donald Sterling’s cheapness. 13th place is what he gets for trying to rebuild around that muscle-bound Duke schizo Maggetteee. And I don’t think a bench that features something named Zeijko Rebraca, raw Shaun Livingston, forever spare Chris Wilcox, and this generation’s Brad Lohaus (Walter McCarty) will help them, either.

12) Golden State Warriors
The sexy surprise pick for the playoffs this year, the GS Warriors are in many ways a bundle of run-and-gun goodness. Baron Davis is a fantastic point guard who knows how to run a team, Jason Richardson can run all day, and Troy Murphy can offend inside. I’m a non-believer in Mike Dunleavy, Jr. and Adonal Foyle, however, and Derek Fisher is pretty much done without Kobe around to make him look adequate. So they’ve got one great player and two good players, and then…I don’t know. If their rookies can contribute and they find someone to clog the middle at all, they could sneak into the playoffs if other teams have injuries. Otherwise, I just don’t see it. I think their great finish last season was a fluke. And if Baron Davis goes down again, yikes. 10 wins, tops.

11) Los Angeles Lakers
What? Too low? Phil Jackson is going to lead them back to the L.A. facelift promised land? Kobe’s going to rediscover superstardom and passing? Lamar Odom’s going to morph into Scottie Pippen? The triangle offense is going to turn players like Chris Mihm and Smush Parker into adequate NBA starters? Devean George is going to finally be cut, because he’s terrible? Kwame Brown’s going to turn into a good player because the Wizards were just “keeping his great talent down?” Am I crazy? Kobe’s the next Jordan – how can he finish 11th? Well, they did last year, and the only thing that’s changed from then to now is the coach, Mr. Jackson. Actually, the talent pool has gotten more shallow with the departure of Caron Butler and Sucky Atkins and the addition of Kwame “The Cancer” Brown. Kwame hated playing with Jordan – how’s he going to like playing with Kobe? They’re probably going to start a guy named Smush at point guard. What, God Shammgod wasn’t available? This team won’t even make the playoffs if Kobe does rediscover superstardom and passing.

10) Minnesota Timberwolves
Remember a few years ago, when Minnesota kept finishing 5th in the West and never making it past the first round because they didn’t have enough talent to go with Kevin Garnett? Yeah, Minnesotans will discover that those years weren’t so bad after all. The gambit they took to bring in Sam Cassell and Latrell Sprewell has failed. They were the best team in the West for exactly one year, got injured during the playoffs, and choked themselves to death the next year. Now Sprewell and Cassell are gone, and the Garnett-aires are made up of many of the same guys who were there before this whole mess started. The injury-prone Troy Hudson and Wally Sczerbiak will provide needed help if available, but other than those two you’re talking about a bunch of spares and failed bits from other teams. One intriguing player they picked up in the draft is Rashard McCants, the best player on the NCAA Champ North Carolina team of a year ago. For some reason, I think he’ll make a bad pro. There’s just something about him that just isn’t right. I’ll probably live to regret writing those last two sentences. Anyway, as competitive as K. Gar the Horrible is, he’s got to be just pulling his hair out right now. That’s why he’s always bald.

9) Utah Jazz
The Utah Jazz picked Deron Williams from Illinois with the 3rd pick in the NBA Draft, which is odd. Chris Paul is clearly the more dynamic and talented player, so why did they decide to take the solid but unspectacular Williams? Nobody knows. What people do know, however, is that the 2nd best forward tandem in the West (Andrei Kirilenko and Carlos “The Alky” Boozer )is back from injury and that makes the Jazz a way better team than they were last year. It’s hard to explain the greatness of Kirilenko to people who don’t know basketball. When he’s not sitting on the bench in an NBA-approved outfit, he’s the most well-rounded player in the league. Around the Forwards of Fun are a bunch of white and near-white guys who are ok role players. It’s odd that the lily-white denizens of Salt Lake City would have a basketball team with so many white guys, isn’t it? Somebody should investigate this. I pick them 9th because of the presence of The Alky, who so wronged the Cavaliers last year that the basketball gods may not let the Jazz make the playoffs again until he’s dead or off the team. I bet he learned how to be a two-timing jerkface at Duke, where bearded mountain man “Christian” Laettner teaches a class in such things.

8) Memphis Grizzlies
The ‘Sleaze seem to be on the verge of falling apart(at least that what the Coastal media says), but we all need to slow down a bit and remember who their GM is before we put them in the basketball casket and start shoveling basketball dirt on it. It’s Jerry West, who is a genius. Look at their roster for a second. You’ll see they still have Pau “Put Some Corn in Your Tank” Gasol, Shane Battier, Brian Cardinal, and Mike Miller. You’ll also see they have added Bobby Jackson, Damon Stoudamire, Lorenzen Wright, Eddie Jones, and talented rookie Hakim Warrick from Syracuse. They are once again loaded – it’s up to Mike Fratello to make it all work. I see them being talented but a little soft, and they should be able to reproduce what they’ve done the last couple of years but no more. Time will tell if Jerry West can bring a title to the Elvis area. In fact, I just heard time say, “Not this year, but they will make the playoffs again.”

THE ?????? TEAM
7) Phoenix Suns
Nobody could have anticipated the rocket-like rise of the Phoenix Suns last year or the MVP season of Steve Nash. He and Amare Stoudamire became Stockton/Malone II: This time, the big guy’s actually not overrated. It was amazing. Stoudamire’s preseason injury casts a huge shadow over the entire NBA, and every good team will feel uneasy until he’s either back or they know he will never be back. But that’s not the only guy they lost – in fact, they lost more of their 7-man rotation than they retained this summer. The only guys left who played significant minutes for the Suns last year are Nash, Shawn Marion, and Jimmy Jackson. In Stoudamire’s place stands Kurt Thomas, a decent forward who exactly ½ as good. He’ll have to hold down the offensive fort until Stoudamire comes back, which could be anywhere from 4 months to never. It’s a crazy situation, but I’m picking them to make the playoffs because I believe in Nash and Marion, and it’s not like the teams behind them are breathing down their neck. Plus, the Lakers and the Timberwolves probably have worse supporting casts, and they don’t have any basketball messiahs coming. All I know is, if Amare’s all the way back in June, nobody’s going to want to face these guys in the first round of the playoffs.

THE GOOD TEAMS

6) Sacramento Kings
The Kings are a lot like the ‘Sleaze in that they’re a talented and deep team with no superstar to define them. Chris Webber is gone, and with him his inability to rise to the moment. Unfortunately, they brought Shareef Abdur-Rahim in to replace Webber, and with him his inability to play on a good team. They pursued Shareef after he failed a physical for the Nets, so the guy could keel over at any moment. Mike Bibby, however, is great and clutch, and if Peja regains his prior form they will once again be in the thick of the playoff race. The starters will probably be Bibby, Bonzi Wells, Peja, Shareef, and Brad Miller. All of those dudes are solid. The Maloof brothers will be pleased. The bench has Corliss Williamson, Brian Skinner, and a rookie I like --“Bring Me the Head of” Francisco Garcia. They have no depth at guard, which will prevent them from being a real Western power. Sorry, Maloof brothers.

5) Seattle Supersonics
You may not realize it, but the Seattle Supersonics were actually the third-best team in the West last year. No, for real. And the only people they lost between then and now were a pair of workmanlike but ultimately fat power forwards who are easily replaced. I mean, the Knicks signed one of them, so how good can he really be? Mikki Moore, Danny “Mean Guy” Fortson, and Nick Collison should be able to do what Seattle needs them to do, namely hit people, rebound, and stay out of the way of the talented players on the team. Ray Allen is always magnificent, and Rashard Lewis is a nice partner in crime for him. Kobe-Odom only wish they were this good. Flip Murray, Luke Ridenour, and Vlad “The Impaler” Radmanovitch should also provide enough offensive help to keep this team rolling this year, at least until they meet the 4 better teams in the conference. My only concern is the coaching situation, as they forced out a superior coach for no apparent reason. That’s the kind of basketball sin that rarely goes unpunished, so I’m picking them 5th with a doubting heart.

THE NEAR-GREAT TEAMS

4) Denver Nuggets
They’re the number 4 team in the West, but they plan on starting Voshon Lenard at shooting guard. Not only that, but also they have 3 good point guards who are definitely too small to play shooting guard. The magnificent frontcourt of Carmelo Anthony (primed to make a leap to absolute superstardom, I think), Kenyon Martin (who will be playing mad this year because his college coach was fired, I think), Marcus Camby, the big Brazilian Maybner “Nene” Hilario (I refuse to just call him Nene when I can bust out Maybner Hilario as well), and oft-injured Eduardo Najera can only do so much with Voshon and the Midgets doing their thing in the backcourt. And watch out – this is a George Karl-coached team that had some success last year, so you never know when they’re going to just blow up and start hating him. That is, unless Mr. Karl learned not to be a big jerk from his stint in Milwaukee, something I highly doubt. Once a big jerk, always a big jerk. Seriously, though – with the volatile Martin, the young Anthony and the lack of a shooting guard, Denver could totally fall apart. I’m not going to actually predict that, though.

3) Houston Rockets
In Tracy McGrady and Yao Ming, they now have the best inside-outside combination in the league. Their pick-and-rolls are awesome, mostly because they’re both so tall and skilled, it makes you wonder how anyone is going to stop them, ever. Somehow, the two teams above them will find a way. They added to their ranks PF Stromile Swift, an athletic guy who’s also “long.” This might be the longest team in NBA history, in fact. All they need now is Tim Thomas and Paul Pressey, and they’ll be all set. Swift’s presence ensures that Ryan Bowen won’t play, which is also awesome. They traded for a real NBA starting point guard (albeit a crazy one) when they traded for Rafer “The Wafer”Alston. They’re talent is almost super-talent, but here’s my one concern: toughness. They may be long, and athletic, and skilled, but are they tough enough to take this thing all the way to the title? I mean, none of the guys I mentioned have a rep for being able to deal with adversity – especially Rafer the Wafer. It will be fun to watch them try this year, but ultimately San Antonio is just too good and too deep.

2) Dallas Mavericks
Sometimes you have to go with your gut, and that’s what I’m doing with this pick. Here are Dallas’ problems: Their point guard (Jason Terry)is actually a shooting guard and everybody knows it, they’re trying to get Dirk (Nowitski)to be a post-up player when everybody knows he’s better suited to the wing, their Center has hands of stone and therefore nobody passes him the ball, they’re defense is only sporadically good. So what’s my problem that I see these guys as being better than Denver or Houston? First of all, Dirk is an MVP candidate, and he’s developed some impressive moves the past couple of years that nobody can stop. Of course, he stopped himself with his own incompetence during the playoffs, but don’t worry about that. He and Josh Howard comprise the best forward tandem in the league. Jason Terry and The Jerry Stackmouse comprise one of the best backcourts in the West. Dampier and the newly-thin Lasagna Diop aren’t that great, but they’re a better center tandem than any teams in the West save Yao in Houston. Shaq is no longer in the conference, people. Plus, they’ve got a deeper bench (Wauwatosa’s own Devin Harris, defensive specialist Doug Christie, Diop, Keith Van Horn, and Marquis “Feaky Eyes” Daniels) than anyone in the conference save San Antonio. Still think they won’t finish second? Well, if Avery Johnson can coach (and we know he can talk a good game), they will.

THE ULTIMATE TEAM

1) San Antonio Spurs
It would be hard for any basketball person with eyes to deny the Spurs their preseason #1 ranking. I mean, they won it all last year (albeit in seven games against a Detroit team that wasn’t really trying), and didn’t lose anyone meaningful over the off-season. More importantly, they got some serious firepower off their bench when Michael Finley and Nick Van Exel decided they wanted to win a championship with San Antonio, too. I’m afraid that probably will happen. Parker and Ginobili are foreign, quick, and freaky with the basketball in a good way. Tim Duncan is a superstar because he’s so fundamentally sound, and will probably get over that whole mental free-throw thing this year. Bruce Bowen is the ultimate defensive stopper, and makes clutch threes to boot. Oh, and the problematic center position got better as well with the addition of Nazr “Nozzie” Mohammad. Their defense is sound, their offense is better than you think, and they seem to have those championship intangibles that everybody talks about. They’re a practical shoo-in for the title. But if Duncan gets hurt, it’s all over. Just remember that. Plus, their championship attitude goes away during the playoffs sometimes for no apparent reason. But if they play like they can, there’s nobody that can beat them.

PLAYOFFS
1 San Antonio over 8 Memphis
7 Phoenix over 2 Denver
6 Seattle over 3 Sacramento
4 Dallas over 5 Houston

San Antonio over Dallas
Phoenix over Seattle

San Antonio over Phoenix


CHAMPIONSHIP
San Antonio over Detroit, again.

The Rest of the Bucks Haikus, in Honor of the NBA Season

Bucks Haikus, Vol. 1

Paul Pressey

Nellie had vision

point forward with long long arms

made him defensive.

Jack Sikma

Buzz cut shoots free throws

One-third of three-headed white

Center, the best one.

Moses Malone

Throwback Jersey “8”

White Goggles goofy looking

He never fouled out.

Brian Winters

A white man’s afro

And dead-eye marksman outside

Lived before the three.

Alvin Robertson

Stole the freakin’ ball

Ten times in one freakin’ game

Domestic abuse.

Ricky Pierce

Sixth man of the year

Like two-hundred times total

Ripped off the Clippers

Larry Krystowiak

From Montana sky

Came a spare average forward

Another white guy

Todd Day

Drafting this psycho

Set the Bucks back seven years

Sidney he wasn’t.

Craig Hodges

Wife set him on fire

Like his jump shots from downtown

He liked to thank God.

John Stroeder

Looked like a trucker

Played like a trucker’s mother

Failed experiment

Sam Cassell

“Won’t pass to T.T.

If he makes more money foo.”

Flak jacket playoffs.

Ray Allen

For Gary Payton

Drives me absolutely nuts

Ray Ray where are you?

Rashard Griffith

Turkish Basketball

Was never the same again

NBA? Never!

Marques Johnson

Sweet moves on the court

From UCLA with drugs

Now an analyst.

Glenn Robinson

The so-called “Big Og”

Won game 5 versus Charlotte

Bucks leading scorer.

(stay tuned for more, plus...Packer haikus? Brewer haikus? The mind boggles.)

Milwaukee Bucks Haiku: Sidney Moncrief

Sidney Moncrief

Super Sid flashing

Sports Illustrated cover

Greatest. Buck. Ever.